i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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