Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
