if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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