I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
well you can't waste a boner
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
