That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
