The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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