i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
