I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
