Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
