I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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