She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
