just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
