I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
