Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
