Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
