Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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