You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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