Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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