I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
