My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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