I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
