gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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