i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
