He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she peed on how many people?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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