I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
