I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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