I could have mohawked her pubes.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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