He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
