I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
