I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
