never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
