Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
