let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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