I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
