I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
