I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
