I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
