I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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