just tell him i said nine months
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
