Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
