Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I am spending my child support on dildos
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
