how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
