It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
