well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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