i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
