fuck your aforementioned shoe
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
