I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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