So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
