WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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