Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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