FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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