i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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